“I’ve always seen myself as such a resilient and strong woman. The idea that I could allow something like this to happen to me blew my mind,” she says.

Hayden Panettiere opens up about surviving ‘brutal’ abusive relationship with ex Brian Hickerson

"I've always seen myself as such a resilient and strong woman. The idea that I could allow something like this to happen to me blew my mind," she says.

By Marina Watts

Marina Watts

Marina Watts is a news writer for with seven years experience covering entertainment, pop culture and celebrity news. Her previous work appears in PEOPLE, Bustle and Newsweek.

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May 6, 2026 4:01 p.m. ET

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Hayden Panettiere in New York in March 2023. Credit:

Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

- Hayden Panettiere is opening up about her abusive relationship with Brian Hickerson, whom she dated on and off for four years.

-  "I’ve always seen myself as such a resilient and strong woman. The idea that I could allow something like this to happen to me blew my mind," she said of their tumultuous relationship.

- *This Is Me: A Reckoning*,* *out on May 19, is available for preorder wherever books are sold.

Hayden Panettiere is opening up about a "traumatic" relationship she was in for four years.

In her upcoming memoir *This Is Me: A Reckoning*, the actress detailed her professional and personal life, which included an abusive relationship with Brian Hickerson. Speaking with *Us Weekly* ahead of its publication, Panettiere reflected on the cyclical nature of their relationship, calling the abuse she endured brutal, traumatic, and emotional. "It was important for me to word that experience properly," she said.

Panettiere and Hickerson began their on-and-off relationship in 2018. Throughout their four years together, Panettiere was allegedly physically and emotionally abused.

The *Nashville *actress said that she was private about what was really going on in her and Hickerson's relationship because it was a "very embarrassing subject."

"I’ve always seen myself as such a resilient and strong woman. The idea that I could allow something like this to happen to me blew my mind. It blew the minds of the people that knew me best," she said.

"So that whole experience, I kept as much of it to myself as possible because I didn’t want to drag anybody that I loved into [it], because I knew that they would want to protect me, and I wanted to keep them safe and emotionally safe. It was humiliating," the actress added.**

Hayden Panettiere in West Hollywood in November 2022.

Jon Kopaloff/Getty

She likened finally being able to break free of the cyclical relationship to pulling out a deep, intricate weed. "Every time you pull it out another weed pops back up and you’re like, I thought I killed this," Panettiere explained.

"They always manage to find a way to slither back in, even if you’re an incredibly strong-willed person," she noted. "What happened in Wyoming helped push me in the right direction, but it still took me a long time. I still struggled to fully put a kibosh to it for a while."

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In July 2020, Hickerson was arrested and charged with "four felony charges of corporal injury on a spouse/cohabitant; a felony charge of assault with a deadly weapon, "to wit, garage floor"; a felony charge of assault with a deadly weapon, "to wit, stairs"; and a misdemeanor charge of battery on a spouse/cohabitant."

"I am coming forward with the truth about what happened to me with the hope that my story will empower others in abusive relationships to get the help they need and deserve," Panettiere said in a statement shared with PEOPLE at the time. "I am prepared to do my part to make sure this man never hurts anyone again. I’m grateful for my support system, which helped me find the courage to regain my voice and my life."

Per PEOPLE, Hickerson pleaded no contest to two felony counts of injuring a spouse/cohabitant/girlfriend/child's parent, and the remaining charges were dropped. In April 2021, he was sentenced to 45 days in jail, along with four years of formal probation, 52 domestic violence classes, $500 in restitution, and a five-year protective order. Hickerson ultimately served 13 days in jail.**

'This Is Me: A Reckoning' by Hayden Panettiere.

Grand Central Publishing

After they called it quits, Panettiere told PEOPLE in July 2022 about how she is looking to the future following a dark period. "I am trying to live in a place of understanding," she said.**

"I think [Brian] has done his time and was willing to get help. I think about the things I have done in my life that people forgave me for. Making amends is a really important thing that you learn in treatment," she continued. "And it gives you a lot of inner peace."

*This Is Me: A Reckoning* will be out on May 19. It is available for preorder wherever books are sold.

*If you are experiencing domestic violence, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or go to thehotline.org. All calls are toll-free and confidential. The hotline is available 24/7 in more than 170 languages.*

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Source: “EW Memoirs”